Lovin REBEL :)

Some random pictures I took with my new baby :))

spot me! :) 

Roses :) 

I like the color of this one :) 

Roses bloom fast :D 

Oh Toby! You're such a cutie :) 

It's Christmas already. Can you feel it? :D 

Preserving memories

It was my auntie's 50th birthday and I had my new camera to document the whole and event. Plus, I bonded with my cousins and it was a lot of fun :) 

Just arrived in Batangas. I took the bus with Jasper :D

Meet the birthday celebrant :) 

My mom with my cousin Jester Nazh 

This is quite interesting, it's Nazh's toy :D

With my cousins, Veth-Ave (the one in orange) & Ate Nina (the one with the peace sign) :D

My cousin Jerico with Ate Nina 

Ate Nina with my dad :D

Ate Nina with Jasper and Veth in the background :D 

Aww. Jasper is the sweetest :"> 

Flowers for the celebrant 

tired from documenting the event. HAHA. Check out my new baby and Veth's ass :) 

this was taken before the celebration. VAIN

My super feeling gwapo cousin: Jerico :p 

We were watching Discovery Chanel this time. Kuya Jeff's eyes are so creepy. RAWR.

Sigh, Boys will be boys. (From L-R: Kuya Jeff, Jasper, Jerico) 

On our way back to Manila :)

Happiness

I envy people who's really happy with their life. I wonder when can I attain happiness? I guess I should stop expecting and let things go by.

What is hard? Not a stone, but life. LIFE IS HARD.

I hate Mondays. I will never get used to going to school on Mondays.

Well, that's the beauty of studying in Miriam College (HEU). At least, that's what I think right now. Usually, we go to school on Mondays, not because of academic purposes but for our organizations. So lucky for those students who are not involved in many orgs. But recently, we've been going to school every Monday cause our org keeps on having these major meetings.Not that I'm complaining or anything :)

But these past 2 weeks, it seems that my Monday is very much more than vacant. Last week I was in Batangas, oh that reminds me, it was a bloody holiday that's why I wasn't in school for any particular reason. HAHA. My apologies. :) 

So anyways, I was bored this afternoon so I decided to leave the house. I also need some time alone and the best way to do that is to WALK. And so I did. I went to Starbucks in Ali Mall because coffee shops in Gateway & Araneta Colosseum is jam packed and it was very, very noisy. When I arrived in starbucks, i found the perfect place for me to sit. I brought out my "hero journal" - it's a semestral homework for Ms. Antee's class and my scratch notebook and Bob Ong's new book: Ang mga kaibigan ni Mama Susan. I ordered a mocha frappe and started writing in my journal and then afterwards wrote some of the things I need to work on, specifically the story I've been working on since forever. 

Okay, so you might be wondering why I was all alone at such a place. Well to tell you the truth I was still pissed on what happened last saturday (see Lying my way out). I don't know if should be angry, it's rather confusing to feel that way. It was so hard being alone and I needed something to keep my mind off those things. So I tried calling Anna first but then she had class, Maan who needs to go home after 3pm and then there's Cy who did not answer my call. I remembered Katrin, but then she told me she's up to 4:30 and I thougth I'd be going home by then. At around 3:30 she asked me where I was and then told me if I want to with her to Centerpoint. (Yeah, sure it's a crappy mall and there are lots of jejemons around there but what the heck! I want/need a friend) 

A few minutes on the train and viola! I'm on the other side of town already.. well, almost :D

I arrived before Katrin so I walked around a little bit. When she arrived, she asked me if we could stop by the food court because she needs to see someone. Of course, do I have a choice? She met one of her fellow student from PUP (a few years older than us, I think). Silly of me, I forgot her name (SORRY!). She asked Katrin to go shoe shopping with her, and I thought "Now?? But I need to talk to Kat about some things. Personal things." And then Katrin asked me if I don't mind. Of course I mind!!! Hello?? I'm really emotionally bothered by what happened last saturday and I was not in the mood for some shoe shopping, not in Centerpoint at least. So there, I went with them, like I have a choice. 

Did I sound selfish back there? 

 I also told her that I saw her friend, Ninay, who's Jeric's new girlfriend. Kat told me that Ninay finds me scary. Like I'm 'masungit' 'mataray'. I ogled at her and asked her what made her think that way. Hey, I don't bite. HAHA. That was rather funny. I was just in a mad mood last Saturday.

Well, I need to talk to Katrin back there. As in in real talk. No offense to her friend but they see each other in school, i think everyday? I was a bit frustrated at first but it seems that her friend is not going anywhere, so I didn't tell Katrin how and what was really bothering me. 

What I need back then was Katrin alone. I don't feel comfortable talking my heart out when there's another stranger  in front of me, listening to every bit of my problems.I just wish Kat had made some time for the two of us alone. I just wanted to talk, that's all.

So many things happened in the past few months and it's hard to keep track of them. Everything seems to move so fast that I don't have enough time to catch up with my old friends. It's been really hard. 

I wish it could all just slow down before 2010 ends.

Before 2010 ends I will....

• finish Bob Ong's new book "Ang mga kaibigan ni mama susan" 
• Finish reading Percy Jackson's book
• Fix my documents in my laptop
• sort out pictures and burn them to a CD
• finish watching Pretty Little Liars season 1
• Have a new BB phone (hopefully!) 
• de-clutter my room

*to be continued :D 

Dear God,

I hope for enlightenment before this year ends. Please guide me in whatever decision I make.

Amen.

Pretty Little Liar

My Saturday morning went pretty bad. I woke up late, around 7:03. I have to get to school at 7:30 am because of our batch's General Assembly. Later comers will be given punishment (DAW!). So I rushed my self to take a shower and grabbed what ever clothing I could find. It was drizzling so I decided to wear a white tank top and my purple jacket over it and some sneakers. I grabbed my bag and rushed outside even though it was raining a bit. Good thing it only took me less than 15 minutes to get to school So there, I arrived when the registration is about to start and found Abbey.

After the GA, we hang out at Mcdonalds Katipunan because we planned to go to Trinoma but it's too early and the mall isn't open yet. While having breakfast, Cyrille (high school superfriend) sent me a text message asking if I want to watch a movie or something. The timing was perfect because we could just see each other in Trinoma. But Cyrille said she wants to watch in gateway and I made 'pilit' to her to just watch a movie in Trinoma because I was going there. And then she said "Bahala na". Mark also texted me asking me if I have other plans for the day. I didn't reply cause (a.) I ran out of load and (b.) I don't want to have dinner with his family tonight 

So there, we went to Trinoma and walked around and then decided to go to Circle C and played in their Timezone-ish whatever you call it. Nix's dad fetched us then we went at her place to chill and watch some TV. At around 3 o'clock-ish we headed back to Trinoma and Mark keeps on texting me and I'm really getting annoyed at it. 

Sometimes he texts me more often than my mom. It's like I'm always getting in trouble. Like I'm a kid who's lost and always needs some guidance. That's what I thought. So I went to meet with Cyrille, Maan, Jayvee, Jeric and his girlfriend, Ninay at Gateway. I left minutes after I saw them and told them that I still have some appointments for that day and that I would head back to Katipunan and meet with some friends. But I just made that up!

That's what I also told Mark the moment he called me using his father's phone. He was a bit mad that I didn't respond to his texts. I want to yell "why are you acting like this? Why are you being like this? Are you my boyfriend?? You're worst than my mother! Can't you just leave me alone for a while??" - well yeah, I can't do that since I'm walking around in front of Araneta Colosseum on my way to SM cubao because I need to get my mom's SM advantage card. :| 

So there, I was really, really pissed and mad at that moment and almost glaring at anybody who crosses my way. It was like I want to take the gun from the security guard and just shoot somebody or my head with it. -That's how mad slash crazy I was. But of course I did not dare to do it. Hello? I still have my sanity.

I just don't like it when I have to report my every action to somebody.(excluding my parents) Sometimes, I feel suffocated with him. I would say possessive, but that's not the right term. I just hate when a guy completely acts as if he's my boyfriend when he's not or not yet. It's just so wrong! :| I also hate the feeling like I'm being tied down to something or someone (Don't get me wrong! Marriage is a different thing!)

One thing I also don't like is that when he was explaining how pissed he got and saying things like "Sana manlang nag text ka....blah blah blah...kahit isang text lang...blah blah". Sometimes I hate explaining myself too much. That's why I just kept silent and ignore the fucking shit out of me. While he was saying that, the first thing that got into me was that I want to get hit by that car and have amnesia or something. I hope at least he considers what I had in mind. It's very hard to put into words the things I want to say. (Talk about having Linguistic as one of multiple intelligence) 

How can you mildly say "Back off a little bit. I'm getting suffocated" & "I need A LOT of space" without hurting anyone? 

I guess I couldn't.

Even if I tell myself that I'm strong enough to handle this, sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry then and there. I wish I could express myself more because it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack right now. I don't want to have this burden on me. It seems that I'm a very bad person to say these things. 

Oh, Lord. Please help me. 

I don't need these things right now. I feel it's just a hindrance to my studies.

I'm this free spirited girl who wants to be independent. I feel like I'm a bird in a cage. People are amused to see me in this form but what they don't know is that I want to be free. Like a fish that needs to swim the ocean and like a lion that needs to stay in the wild.(Ok. I'm running out of metaphors here)

I hope you would consider how I feel and I wish that you would understand.

I BUMPED into my theater professor this afternoon

So after our 1:30 class, we decided to go to ADSA (student affairs) to return the commitment slips thingy. So we're walking along the corridors, passed to the OLC and was already in front of the student accounts office. The corridor was so crowded and I stayed at the side because a lot of students were hogging the center aisle.

There I was walking leisurely with Abbey when Kitel yelled "GERTY!". The usual immediate reaction to that is to turn your head towards the direction where the person called you. And so I stop and looked behind me...

Only to find out that my theater professor was right behind me and I bumped into him because he was walking so fast. His head stooped down as a gesture of passing through me with respect. But when he lowered his head, it leveled with mine and so I was horribly surprised when I turned my head and his face greeted me. HAHA. Although I think he didn't see my almost stupid startled face because he was looking at the floor ( I think he does that everytime he walks). I froze at my spot when Kitty, Dabor and Sue catch up with us and they were laughing at me because my face obviously turned bright red and I was feeling really giddy slash kilig. I could have fainted at that moment! 

You see, he WAS our professor last semester at Theater Class. He is so awesome and most of my friends adore him too. He's such a great mentor and I learned a lot from him about theater. He meets us once a week and it's a 3-hour class. It's fun, we had workshops, and lectures. I would be lying if I said I don't have a crush on him. HAHA.It's just that, he's so talented and when I saw his works and how passionate he is with theater I was so amazed and so proud that he is my mentor. He made me appreciate the essence of theater and how wonderful it is to be working in a production.

One of my closest friend joined the theater organization in school because he's part of it. HAHA. Leea is so nuts about him. Pure awe and adoration of his talents and works. He's gay though which made his personality more wonderful. I think he's not the type of person who's very loud but still I enjoy it when he tells stories. :) 

Bumping into him made me miss having theater class every tuesday. I miss the time where in we always cram for a skit and our major production was unforgettable where in everybody placed a lot of effort for the play. Oh how I miss :| 

PS. He always smells so nice. Even nicer when the smell of 'yosi' and his perfumed mix :)) It's so ....INVIGORATING :)))) 

awesome :D 18th birthday surprise

I want to blog about it already but I want to get the pictures from Mark's camera first. So, I think I have to wait. HAHA :))

Pre-birthday dinner :D

I don't know what got into Anna Karenina's head but she wanted to go somewhere because it's my birthday tomorrow and she said she wants to spend time with me because we're not going to see each other tomorrow (I think?) So there. We met at Pizza Hut at around 2:30 and guess who's with her? It's CJ! Her future 'ahem', I think? I hope so :D I think CJ is nice and a bit talkative too :)) We talked about cameras since his photography is a hobby of his too! :D Anna was left out with our conversation! HAHAHAHA :P KID!

We went back to ADMU because she needs to talk to her orgmates about something. After that, we head back to her dorm because we were actually waiting for Katrin.

After an hour of waiting, Katrin arrived already and we're on our way to Banapple! :))

I'm so full! Thanks for dinner Anna & Kat! :)

our school is on fire. Ooops. my bad. It's only a fire drill :D

While having our philo class at around 11:40, the school bell rang and I thought yay we can go already in few minutes. But it continuously rang and that means there's fire and we have to leave the building immediately. I know there would a fire drill but I thought it will be held tomorrow, Friday. I got really confused whether it's a real fire or just a drill because when we got out of the classroom there's someone talking in the speakers but I didn't hear it properly. All I heard was the words 'emergency' and 'fire' and when we headed for the stairs smoke was filling up the whole corridor and I was like 'is this for real'? But the students were walking so slowly on their way out.

When we got out of the building we saw this & this

Then came the 'state of the art' fire trucks.

And the scenario outside is like this. (yeah, I know, white smoke. WTF)

After a minute, the smoke was gone and the fire fighters were moving so slow. If this was real fire the whole school might have burned down. We watched them save some injured people with that crane thing that was so cool if they only moved faster!

After the victims were placed inside that box like thing up there, the students started clapping like the fire drill was some sort of freak show! It's hilarious though, to see the students clapping. Well, I assume they are pleased because I am! :)) I think I also saw a professor clapping his hands like a mad man with the students. :))) Kidding!

But there, all in all, it was very entertaining. We had lunch at KFC katipunan because I want to taste their new specialty: DOUBLE DOWN (No buns, all meat). The first time I saw the ad i thought it was gross. But I was so curious this afternoon that when we arrived and ready to order, only to find out that it's not available that day because a lot of people are demanding to have taste of it too. :( I ended up eating Hot Shots :|

18th Birthday

So, I'm turning 18 tomorrow and I'm in a sulky mood right now. I don't know why. I had dinner a while ago with two of my superfriends, Anna Karenina & Katrin. I practically ate too much because right now, I feel like im going to throw up. I think it's because of my meds too. Darn.

Anyway, I should be happy cause it's my birthday tomorrow and some people already greeted me like a week ago. HAHA. Greetings are starting to fill up my facebook page and it will surely flood tomorrow or probably this midnight.

I want have a dinner with my family tomorrow but I will be in school until 9pm because we have to watch TAMALA. So there, :P

A L O N E

There are times when I prefer to be alone or rather I'm not talking to anyone. It's not as if I'm in a bad mood or something, but it's a little something close to that. When I talk to someone whenever I feel this way, chances are I'm going to get pissed and be this neurotic bitch you never saw in me. Sometimes I do feel like I'm suffering in a mental illness. I get frustrated over little things or would create my own drama out of what's happening around me.

My cousin told me that I criticize things too much or give comments too much. Well, yeah maybe I do talk a lot and when you talk a lot, you always have something good/bad to say. I would say I'm just giving out a lot of constructive criticism. :D

Going back to my being bipolar, I would compare myself to a balloon. I'm like a balloon cause energy fills me in like air and I would get energetic and so vibrant. The next thing you know I would burst and would lose it all.

In a moment I am very emotional and would do everything to express my feelings. And then the next thing you know, I'm this sadistic, mean, cold hearted bitch who doesn't give a damn about the world. This. Don't talk to me when I'm like this. You should keep your distance and let me be, for some quite time. This could last for days and even a week. This would always happen whenever I do not want to be disturb. It's whether I'm reflecting on a lot of things or I really don't want to talk.

Sometimes, you are going to ask what the hell is my problem? Well, to tell you the truth, I don't have any problem. I don't want to talk and I prefer to be left alone. This may sound very selfish but it's my own way not to say something stupid out of frustration and anger.

I hate being moody all the time. It's very selfish and it ruins the day.

It's not that I'm mad. I just want a few minutes of silence.

It's just a matter of timing.

If you find me in a foul mood, please understand that it's not that I have problem with you it's just that I would rather remain silent than to talk my heart out. Because somethings are better left alone. You don't want to hear all my rantings because it would take more than a day for me to give a blow-by-blow description on how I feel.

So please be considerate and ignore my moodiness.

But at the end of the day, I appreciate those people of tolerated this kind of attitude specially my parents who knew nothing about their daughter being 'sabaw' & bipolar (hahaha). My awesome friends who are almost in the same state as I am. I'm really glad they don't get tired to put with my attitude. I apologize if I hurt and offended you in many ways and I will try my hardest to be more sensitive to the feelings of others and be more appreciative of the good people around me. (I'm so dramatic. see what I mean?)

WARNING: mood will automatically change in 5 minutes. Keep your distance.

Quotable quotes from the movie T R O Y

‎"You gave me peace in a lifetime of war." ~Achilles

“The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again. ” ~ Achilles

"Women have a way of complicating things." ~Odysseus

"Menelaus was a brave man. He fought for honor. And every day I was with him, I wanted to walk into the sea and drown." ~Helen

T R A V E L - get me to the GREEK

Have I ever told you one of my ultimate dreams is to travel in Europe? But I really, really wanted to go Greece (Santorini) and have a vacation there, or better yet, LIVE THERE.

I am in love with Greece, the sea, it's culture and scrumptious food!

just looking at this photo is simply delightful. I can imagine myself lounging here.

with a good book in my hands, this place is absolutely PERFECT!

I would also go to Athens and see the magnificent Parthenon and ruins.

I have always been fascinated by Greek culture specially Greek Mythology. Back when I was a kid, I was simply drawn to the stories about the Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus. Instead of fantasizing about fairy tales, I was fantasizing about Greek Mythology and imagining what was it like living in a world controlled by so many gods.

THIS. This is my childhood dream :)

I want to get a henna tattoo this summer

A little something like this. Tribute to harry potter :D

What you really wanted to say.

BOY:I miss you.

GIRL:And so?

BOY:I really did.

GIRL:K.

BOY:I'm sorry.

GIRL:What for?

BOY:For ignoring your efforts to communicate with me.

GIRL:Its OK. I got used to it, then I got tired, so I stopped trying and started forgetting.

BOY:I..

BOY:I...tried to forget about you, you see.

GIRL:....

BOY:Cause it tore me apart that we can never be...

GIRL:its OK.

BOY:Why is it so OK?

GIRL:I got used to days hoping you'd be back, but then you never did. I started facing reality, and started to get a move on.

BOY:Wait...am I too late?

GIRL:Too late for what?

BOY:To court you?

GIRL::)) You know, I've always wanted to hear that from you. Back then, a year ago. But...I got used to only wishing for it..then realized it would never happen, so I stopped hoping.

BOY:I'm really sorry, but dont worry, this time, I will make your wishes come true. :))

GIRL:Its my turn to say sorry. Time got into me. You've broken my heart already. I cant risk experiencing that again. :/ Thank you anyway. For communicating with me after a year of silence.

From Tumblr.

they act like complete retards here but it sure did lighten up my mood for the evening :))) Never fails to make me laugh :D

Laid back 18th birthday

Strange isn't it? I'm blogging days before my 18th birthday. There wont be any party or celebration because I insist my parents not to strain themselves and their pockets for any extravagant party. (Instead I asked them to buy me a Canon 550D. HAHA)

Anyway, I don't want any party because, first, I don't have enough time to plan. second, just think of the grave stress it could give me. Third, I have classes and it would be hard to do it on a school week. Fourth, I don't want my friends and family would get all mushy if there would be a traditional debut (18 roses, 18 dances, 18 treasures etc) I don't want to be emotional and all, but it would be great hearing their messages and wishes for me but that could be done in some other way. And lastly, I hate being the center of attraction. They fuss all over you, it could stressful! And i hate wearing gowns, its itchy and very uncomfortable to wear.

I think it's only fair that I'm getting an DSLR camera as my birthday gift. Not only it's needed for my course (BA Communications) but because I love photography too.

Photography,

ah, since when did I get hooked in this field? Oh yes. It was when back in third year when my teacher asked me to handle photojournalism for our school paper. I have no experience about photography and I was more into writing than taking pictures. But I took the challenge and had a little training about photojournalism. Before the training, my Mom went home with a coffee table book and had fun looking at the photos. The division pres-conference came and I competed and surprisingly I won first place and competed for the regionals.

My chosen course is another factor in my new found interest. Sue and I have the same passion for taking pictures and we enjoy doing photo shoots together.

I'm so excited! :p

BIOLOGY

Have I ever told you how much I hate biology? Geez, right now, I'm really nervous about my grades :| I mean, i think my grades on other subjects are excellent specially in major one but, biology, really? Where would I use that in my course? I'm a BA Communication student for pete's sake! :|

Second Year - 1st sem

It's been a very busy semester for me. I already had three major subjects and 5 minor subjects. My major subjects were Communication Theories, Gender & Communication and Theater Arts. These subjects are really great and I have learned a lot from my professors. Communication Theories, although a bit hard because its all about theories and sometimes some psychological or sociological theories involved in our lessons. This is the subject where in I find it hard to wake up. It's my first subject for the day and its 7:30 am! :| I think I had 3 lates and 1 cut because I failed to wake up and just went to school for my second class which is Gender & Comm. My professor for Gender & Comm is not new to us anymore. She was our professor last semester for Introduction to Communication or rather CA-101. I really like her because she's always beaming and always in a good mood. Students would be more interested to see a smiling teacher and a scowling type one. I think this is the subject where in I'm most relaxed at. It's not because the subject is easy, our works are mostly done by group and we usually have activities where in we go out to interview media practitioners. Can you see yeah? :D

After that, we have Theater class which is from 10:30 - 1:30. Fun! I love my professor! He's so talented and everything! I don't mind having theater class for more than 3 hours :)) Because of him, i got inclined with theater by watching various plays like The Virgin Labfest in CCP and Orosman at Zafira by Dulaang UP. We had our final production in little theater where in I was the sound directer and I tell you, it was my first time and I was nervous as hell! Oh, well, it doesn't matter, I had tons of fun! I'm sure I'm going to miss theater class.

Moving on to my minor subjects, they're fine...except for Biology. It really beats the crap out of me. It's really nerve racking and right now I don't know if I failed or what. I want to cry. I don't want to repeat this damn subject on summer. It's the subject where I REALLY REALLY study on and It's one of my 'feeling major' subject that our whole class hates. I'm on the verge of failing but I don't want to lose hope. I trust God that he'll not let that happen...i hope. The only thing I enjoyed about Biology is our field trip last August and that's it.

We have Philosophy and it really freaked me out a lot. We can sleep and text in class, just don't talk or you'll drive my professor mad. She's the weirdest person I came across with. She's talking to herself and she laugh strange. I learned a lot though in critical thinking. I just hate the tinker thinker quizzes we had every meeting.

Next is Theology. It's okay, really. Our professor is such a laugh and he's really nice. Just don't drive him mad which are our block did and I think he hates us for that. Anyway, this year is about church service so I had catechism at choly's church which is a great experience.

PE class is fun because our professor always have some sort of trivia before class. This semester, I had basic martial arts. It's tiring but its okay because I learned some basic self defense and some unusual trivias. I also love the long break we have after our PE class. Bob & I can take a shower and then maybe sleep or prepare for the next class.

Business English is also one of our "feeling major" subjects. I enjoy it though. It's essential and can be used in my course. UNLIKE BIOLOGY. ugh. I enjoyed preparing for our sales presentation which is "Kinarir" ng group namin. Flashback Manila Forever! :D

First semester is crazy. It's going to be harder & harder.

GAAAH. summer please come already!

Some candid photos by Roxanne Ibasco

I miss the days where I can just bask under the sun. Right now, I'm still sick and staying indoors is not doing me any good :|

when you're sick...

I realize today that it's so hard to take care of yourself. I live far away from my parents and life gets so fucked up when they're not here to take care of me when I'm sick.

Ever since I was little, I was always pampered whenever I'm sick but now, it's up to me to take care of myself.

A while ago, I went to school looking so groggy and fucked up because of this stupid colds. We still have activities scheduled for that afternoon but right after lunch I immediately went home because I wasn't really feeling well. Right now, I have these damn watery eyes and heavy feeling. I've been coughing like mad by the way.

I really miss home and I can't wait to go home during our long semester break.

I am sick. Literally

Okay. These past few days had been a downer for me. Last Saturday, I spent the whole day sleeping because I really felt bad on what happened. I start coughing a little bit and then woke up on a sunday morning without a voice. I attended my parish work which is in Mandaluyong and I was glad to get out of the house for a while. It was really hot when I left the house and while I was traveling home, it started raining really hard. I didn't get soaked with the rain though but it was a bit chilly. I rested that night because I was so tired and didn't feel well either. I stayed home yesterday because it was a holiday. I slept the whole day and really didn't have the appetite to eat.

Today, I attended school because it's "Alternative Week". It's when we doesn't have classes and have some 'alternative' classes for every department. Some classes are boring and some are really worthwhile. There's also a bazaar at the college's parking lot for the entire week and they sell food, clothes, accessories etc. It's really something to look forward to.

Anyways, while going home, it started drizzling and the wind blew hard. I already had my umbrella opened but I felt the wind would carry it away so I decided to close it. And then the rain pour harder and I don't where to go because I was at the college parking lot for god's sake. I was going to run for cover at the nearest booth but the wind blew even harder and carried the rain in different directions. I ended up getting a little soaked because it was only for a short period of time, like half a minute. After that, I started sneezing like mad and so you know what happened next.

Here I am, feeling sick more that ever. 38 degrees Celsius for that matter. It sucks because I already consumed all of my medicine.

A while ago, I feel like punishing myself. Because I'm grounded and all, and I knew that if I'm sick my parents would at least feel bad for grounding me. HAHA. Doesn't make sense. Anyways, it's not really about that. It's just, I'm sick, not just because of the weather but also from the depression my parents had caused me these previous days. I really don't blame them because I admit, I did some mistakes too. But I really wish they would go easy on me. It's as if everything I did for the rest of my life was wrong. Yes, I do feel that way, if you may ask.

I will rest now because I have a fever and I still have school tomorrow.

Are you okay? NO. I am not fucking okay

The recent incident really pissed me off. I've been sleeping all day and i feel groggy. I have this itchy sensation in my throat and i think it'll develop in a bad case of cough.

Right now, i feel fucking depressed. It's so hard to empress your overprotective parents. I did something wrong and BOOM! It's like everything you did for the entire of your life were wrong. Just because of that one little mistake.

Actually. I feel like dying right now. I'm too stressed and being too far away from everyone in your life makes it worse.

It's a bit ironic but I just attended a talk about depression a few weeks ago.

Now I know why those people commit suicide out of depression. You really can't avoid having such thought because it seems that you just want to have an escape from it all. I'm not saying that I want to commit suicide because i think no one will benefit from it and people around me would end up getting hurt and will be scarred for life. But there is still a part of me want to do it. Probably sleep and never wake up, something like that.

As I grow up, I realize things are complicated and as I look deeper into it, PEOPLE are getting more and more complicated.

Like I said, I'm having a hard time being away from the people I love. It's not that I don't like it here in my Aunt's house, it's just that i feel like I'm living with strangers. Don't get me wrong, they are my family and I am thankful for having them. But you can't blame me for wanting my 'old' crowd around.

It's hard, not having your parents around.

It's hard trying to be the perfect daughter you will never be.

It's hard to impress your parents when they have expectations from you

It's hard having overprotective parents

It's hard because i feel like I have my life already planned and it's illegal to make my own decisions

It's hard because I feel i am not allowed to make mistakes and have fun detours.

It's hard when you feel like you are losing your social life.

It's hard because all this time I've been holding back every tear that is inside my eyes and right now I feel like crying so hard and never want to stop.

I am happy with my life but I never considered the fact what's making me cry right now. I have to let it out or else I might do something people might regret later.

I am thankful to have my friends. They're my other form of outlet besides blogging. My friends never left my side and would always listen to me whenever i have problems like this. I love them to bits because I know they understand.

Whatever I am feeling right now, I hope they will understand what it feels like I'm going through right now.

I'm not perfect. Please don't make me.

My parents got mad at me because I went home late last night. Wait. Was it THAT late? It was only 10:30 pm. Oh, well. It's the time actually but because I didn't ask for their permission properly that I was going out last night.

And then blabbering went on and on and was getting pissed and angry at the fact that they were expecting a lot from me.

I have to admit, I am a good kid. I don't smoke, drink and ALWAYS party. I do well in school and I have good friends. I don't always come home late (well, except last night) and do whatever they say.

Right now, I feel depressed and disappointed to find out that my parents doesn't trust me that much YET. I mean, I'll be turning 18 in a span of 4 months! I am independent enough to take care myself and I do not get in trouble. Why can't they get that?

I find it so hard to meet their expectations ever since I was little. I am not perfect. I make mistakes and sometimes they have to know that these mistakes I made is helping me to a better person. I feel bad right now. It's so hard to live in a world full of expectations. Ever since I was little, I have everything laid in front of me already. My family is not rich, we're not poor either because I am studying in an exclusive school for girls, that's why I know. Heck, they even chose that school for me. (but it's okay since I'm already settled there)

It's just that, being an only child can sometimes be suffocating.

No, I don't hate it.

Welll..

maybe I hate it right now.

50% maybe.

It's hard. REALLY HARD.

Why can't they get that??

SNORKELING

uh... I'm too lazy to blog about it so I will just post my dear friend's blog entry about our super bitin trip to Batangas :((

http://leeacaleja.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-favorite-biology-professor.html

NEVER TRUST A PRETTY GIRL WITH AN UGLY SECRET

bow :D

Why be good (my crappy paper in philosophy)

Why do I have to good, or rather, why do I have to do good things? For this matter, I would say the famous saying “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” would be somewhat a logical explanation for this. You want to be treated good, then treat others just. If you want to be respected, you have to show it first. Like Jesus’ teaching that says ‘love your neighbor as you love yourself’ shows that you have to be good, not for the sake of others but for your own

Doing good also protects your reputation. Not only it protects you reputation, doing well also builds it up. You also contributed something to your community by just being good. Now if someone is showing the complete opposite to your actions, be good. No matter how that person treats you badly, hold your temper and do not show any angst to that person. My English professor once asked me the same question, “What if that person treats you cruelly? Are you going to fight back? What will you do?”. Well I told him that I wont do anything to that person. Ignoring him or treating him kindly won’t change anything. I am going to kill that person with kindness. He will eventually get tired of it.

Being good doesn’t make you the lesser evil. I believe that every person has a little evil inside. It’s just the act if being good that changes everything. Just think about it, what will you gain from being bad? -Enemies, haters and sin. If you are good, you will eventually gain more than what you have.