The recent incident really pissed me off. I've been sleeping all day and i feel groggy. I have this itchy sensation in my throat and i think it'll develop in a bad case of cough.
Right now, i feel fucking depressed. It's so hard to empress your overprotective parents. I did something wrong and BOOM! It's like everything you did for the entire of your life were wrong. Just because of that one little mistake.
Actually. I feel like dying right now. I'm too stressed and being too far away from everyone in your life makes it worse.
It's a bit ironic but I just attended a talk about depression a few weeks ago.
Now I know why those people commit suicide out of depression. You really can't avoid having such thought because it seems that you just want to have an escape from it all. I'm not saying that I want to commit suicide because i think no one will benefit from it and people around me would end up getting hurt and will be scarred for life. But there is still a part of me want to do it. Probably sleep and never wake up, something like that.
As I grow up, I realize things are complicated and as I look deeper into it, PEOPLE are getting more and more complicated.
Like I said, I'm having a hard time being away from the people I love. It's not that I don't like it here in my Aunt's house, it's just that i feel like I'm living with strangers. Don't get me wrong, they are my family and I am thankful for having them. But you can't blame me for wanting my 'old' crowd around.
It's hard, not having your parents around.
It's hard trying to be the perfect daughter you will never be.
It's hard to impress your parents when they have expectations from you
It's hard having overprotective parents
It's hard because i feel like I have my life already planned and it's illegal to make my own decisions
It's hard because I feel i am not allowed to make mistakes and have fun detours.
It's hard when you feel like you are losing your social life.
It's hard because all this time I've been holding back every tear that is inside my eyes and right now I feel like crying so hard and never want to stop.
I am happy with my life but I never considered the fact what's making me cry right now. I have to let it out or else I might do something people might regret later.
I am thankful to have my friends. They're my other form of outlet besides blogging. My friends never left my side and would always listen to me whenever i have problems like this. I love them to bits because I know they understand.
Whatever I am feeling right now, I hope they will understand what it feels like I'm going through right now.
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