My Saturday morning went pretty bad. I woke up late, around 7:03. I have to get to school at 7:30 am because of our batch's General Assembly. Later comers will be given punishment (DAW!). So I rushed my self to take a shower and grabbed what ever clothing I could find. It was drizzling so I decided to wear a white tank top and my purple jacket over it and some sneakers. I grabbed my bag and rushed outside even though it was raining a bit. Good thing it only took me less than 15 minutes to get to school So there, I arrived when the registration is about to start and found Abbey.
After the GA, we hang out at Mcdonalds Katipunan because we planned to go to Trinoma but it's too early and the mall isn't open yet. While having breakfast, Cyrille (high school superfriend) sent me a text message asking if I want to watch a movie or something. The timing was perfect because we could just see each other in Trinoma. But Cyrille said she wants to watch in gateway and I made 'pilit' to her to just watch a movie in Trinoma because I was going there. And then she said "Bahala na". Mark also texted me asking me if I have other plans for the day. I didn't reply cause (a.) I ran out of load and (b.) I don't want to have dinner with his family tonight
So there, we went to Trinoma and walked around and then decided to go to Circle C and played in their Timezone-ish whatever you call it. Nix's dad fetched us then we went at her place to chill and watch some TV. At around 3 o'clock-ish we headed back to Trinoma and Mark keeps on texting me and I'm really getting annoyed at it.
Sometimes he texts me more often than my mom. It's like I'm always getting in trouble. Like I'm a kid who's lost and always needs some guidance. That's what I thought. So I went to meet with Cyrille, Maan, Jayvee, Jeric and his girlfriend, Ninay at Gateway. I left minutes after I saw them and told them that I still have some appointments for that day and that I would head back to Katipunan and meet with some friends. But I just made that up!
That's what I also told Mark the moment he called me using his father's phone. He was a bit mad that I didn't respond to his texts. I want to yell "why are you acting like this? Why are you being like this? Are you my boyfriend?? You're worst than my mother! Can't you just leave me alone for a while??" - well yeah, I can't do that since I'm walking around in front of Araneta Colosseum on my way to SM cubao because I need to get my mom's SM advantage card. :|
So there, I was really, really pissed and mad at that moment and almost glaring at anybody who crosses my way. It was like I want to take the gun from the security guard and just shoot somebody or my head with it. -That's how mad slash crazy I was. But of course I did not dare to do it. Hello? I still have my sanity.
I just don't like it when I have to report my every action to somebody.(excluding my parents) Sometimes, I feel suffocated with him. I would say possessive, but that's not the right term. I just hate when a guy completely acts as if he's my boyfriend when he's not or not yet. It's just so wrong! :| I also hate the feeling like I'm being tied down to something or someone (Don't get me wrong! Marriage is a different thing!)
One thing I also don't like is that when he was explaining how pissed he got and saying things like "Sana manlang nag text ka....blah blah blah...kahit isang text lang...blah blah". Sometimes I hate explaining myself too much. That's why I just kept silent and ignore the fucking shit out of me. While he was saying that, the first thing that got into me was that I want to get hit by that car and have amnesia or something. I hope at least he considers what I had in mind. It's very hard to put into words the things I want to say. (Talk about having Linguistic as one of multiple intelligence)
How can you mildly say "Back off a little bit. I'm getting suffocated" & "I need A LOT of space" without hurting anyone?
I guess I couldn't.
Even if I tell myself that I'm strong enough to handle this, sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry then and there. I wish I could express myself more because it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack right now. I don't want to have this burden on me. It seems that I'm a very bad person to say these things.
Oh, Lord. Please help me.
I don't need these things right now. I feel it's just a hindrance to my studies.
I'm this free spirited girl who wants to be independent. I feel like I'm a bird in a cage. People are amused to see me in this form but what they don't know is that I want to be free. Like a fish that needs to swim the ocean and like a lion that needs to stay in the wild.(Ok. I'm running out of metaphors here)
I hope you would consider how I feel and I wish that you would understand.
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