I am sick. Literally

Okay. These past few days had been a downer for me. Last Saturday, I spent the whole day sleeping because I really felt bad on what happened. I start coughing a little bit and then woke up on a sunday morning without a voice. I attended my parish work which is in Mandaluyong and I was glad to get out of the house for a while. It was really hot when I left the house and while I was traveling home, it started raining really hard. I didn't get soaked with the rain though but it was a bit chilly. I rested that night because I was so tired and didn't feel well either. I stayed home yesterday because it was a holiday. I slept the whole day and really didn't have the appetite to eat.

Today, I attended school because it's "Alternative Week". It's when we doesn't have classes and have some 'alternative' classes for every department. Some classes are boring and some are really worthwhile. There's also a bazaar at the college's parking lot for the entire week and they sell food, clothes, accessories etc. It's really something to look forward to.

Anyways, while going home, it started drizzling and the wind blew hard. I already had my umbrella opened but I felt the wind would carry it away so I decided to close it. And then the rain pour harder and I don't where to go because I was at the college parking lot for god's sake. I was going to run for cover at the nearest booth but the wind blew even harder and carried the rain in different directions. I ended up getting a little soaked because it was only for a short period of time, like half a minute. After that, I started sneezing like mad and so you know what happened next.

Here I am, feeling sick more that ever. 38 degrees Celsius for that matter. It sucks because I already consumed all of my medicine.

A while ago, I feel like punishing myself. Because I'm grounded and all, and I knew that if I'm sick my parents would at least feel bad for grounding me. HAHA. Doesn't make sense. Anyways, it's not really about that. It's just, I'm sick, not just because of the weather but also from the depression my parents had caused me these previous days. I really don't blame them because I admit, I did some mistakes too. But I really wish they would go easy on me. It's as if everything I did for the rest of my life was wrong. Yes, I do feel that way, if you may ask.

I will rest now because I have a fever and I still have school tomorrow.

Are you okay? NO. I am not fucking okay

The recent incident really pissed me off. I've been sleeping all day and i feel groggy. I have this itchy sensation in my throat and i think it'll develop in a bad case of cough.

Right now, i feel fucking depressed. It's so hard to empress your overprotective parents. I did something wrong and BOOM! It's like everything you did for the entire of your life were wrong. Just because of that one little mistake.

Actually. I feel like dying right now. I'm too stressed and being too far away from everyone in your life makes it worse.

It's a bit ironic but I just attended a talk about depression a few weeks ago.

Now I know why those people commit suicide out of depression. You really can't avoid having such thought because it seems that you just want to have an escape from it all. I'm not saying that I want to commit suicide because i think no one will benefit from it and people around me would end up getting hurt and will be scarred for life. But there is still a part of me want to do it. Probably sleep and never wake up, something like that.

As I grow up, I realize things are complicated and as I look deeper into it, PEOPLE are getting more and more complicated.

Like I said, I'm having a hard time being away from the people I love. It's not that I don't like it here in my Aunt's house, it's just that i feel like I'm living with strangers. Don't get me wrong, they are my family and I am thankful for having them. But you can't blame me for wanting my 'old' crowd around.

It's hard, not having your parents around.

It's hard trying to be the perfect daughter you will never be.

It's hard to impress your parents when they have expectations from you

It's hard having overprotective parents

It's hard because i feel like I have my life already planned and it's illegal to make my own decisions

It's hard because I feel i am not allowed to make mistakes and have fun detours.

It's hard when you feel like you are losing your social life.

It's hard because all this time I've been holding back every tear that is inside my eyes and right now I feel like crying so hard and never want to stop.

I am happy with my life but I never considered the fact what's making me cry right now. I have to let it out or else I might do something people might regret later.

I am thankful to have my friends. They're my other form of outlet besides blogging. My friends never left my side and would always listen to me whenever i have problems like this. I love them to bits because I know they understand.

Whatever I am feeling right now, I hope they will understand what it feels like I'm going through right now.

I'm not perfect. Please don't make me.

My parents got mad at me because I went home late last night. Wait. Was it THAT late? It was only 10:30 pm. Oh, well. It's the time actually but because I didn't ask for their permission properly that I was going out last night.

And then blabbering went on and on and was getting pissed and angry at the fact that they were expecting a lot from me.

I have to admit, I am a good kid. I don't smoke, drink and ALWAYS party. I do well in school and I have good friends. I don't always come home late (well, except last night) and do whatever they say.

Right now, I feel depressed and disappointed to find out that my parents doesn't trust me that much YET. I mean, I'll be turning 18 in a span of 4 months! I am independent enough to take care myself and I do not get in trouble. Why can't they get that?

I find it so hard to meet their expectations ever since I was little. I am not perfect. I make mistakes and sometimes they have to know that these mistakes I made is helping me to a better person. I feel bad right now. It's so hard to live in a world full of expectations. Ever since I was little, I have everything laid in front of me already. My family is not rich, we're not poor either because I am studying in an exclusive school for girls, that's why I know. Heck, they even chose that school for me. (but it's okay since I'm already settled there)

It's just that, being an only child can sometimes be suffocating.

No, I don't hate it.

Welll..

maybe I hate it right now.

50% maybe.

It's hard. REALLY HARD.

Why can't they get that??

SNORKELING

uh... I'm too lazy to blog about it so I will just post my dear friend's blog entry about our super bitin trip to Batangas :((

http://leeacaleja.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-favorite-biology-professor.html

NEVER TRUST A PRETTY GIRL WITH AN UGLY SECRET

bow :D

Why be good (my crappy paper in philosophy)

Why do I have to good, or rather, why do I have to do good things? For this matter, I would say the famous saying “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” would be somewhat a logical explanation for this. You want to be treated good, then treat others just. If you want to be respected, you have to show it first. Like Jesus’ teaching that says ‘love your neighbor as you love yourself’ shows that you have to be good, not for the sake of others but for your own

Doing good also protects your reputation. Not only it protects you reputation, doing well also builds it up. You also contributed something to your community by just being good. Now if someone is showing the complete opposite to your actions, be good. No matter how that person treats you badly, hold your temper and do not show any angst to that person. My English professor once asked me the same question, “What if that person treats you cruelly? Are you going to fight back? What will you do?”. Well I told him that I wont do anything to that person. Ignoring him or treating him kindly won’t change anything. I am going to kill that person with kindness. He will eventually get tired of it.

Being good doesn’t make you the lesser evil. I believe that every person has a little evil inside. It’s just the act if being good that changes everything. Just think about it, what will you gain from being bad? -Enemies, haters and sin. If you are good, you will eventually gain more than what you have.

Thanks, anyway.

Thanks to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person. Thanks to those who loved me, you made my heart bigger. Thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important. Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that you care. Thanks to those who left, you showed me that not everything is forever. Thanks to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friends. Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.

ROSES are RED, Violets are blue, what the hell am I gonna do with you??

Seriously, I have no idea.

Dancing in the rain

Had a blast at Mitch's party last night with Sue, Leea, Roxy, Bob, Kitty, Trixia and Apple. It was a hell of night. Got drunk and wasted after a week of sleepless nights just to finish papers and examinations. I tell you felt good afterwards. HAHA.

It was crazy! Everyone was so drunk and started dancing in the rain. And when everybody had too much alcohol, we started puking everywhere, especially me who got major wasted and shit. I think my fragile body couldn't handle all the alcohol I took in last night. I don't remember anything but they told me that I was crying like crazy and keep mentioning Philip, my friend who passed away. I think it just sinked in last night that he died :(

Roxy doesn't know what to do with me and I'm so thankful that she took care of me while I was drunk. She was talking to me and kept me asleep for a while. Also, to Suzie who keeps a good eye on everyone who didn't know what we were doing and I think prevented us from doing crazy stuff. I'm so thankful that she cleaned my puke (yeah, I know it's so disgusting)

I was having fun before i started puking everywhere. I could still remember that i was with kitty talking to some random guy and dancing in the rain with my girls before going inside the house and threw tantrums. Yes. I do tend to throw tantrums even when I'm drunk.

I lost track of time and the next thing I know i was being helped by Sue to get inside Roxy's house and was in the bathroom and took a shower. After that, I think i gained my consciousness. I woke with a massive headache and an itching back. I forgot that I was allergic to what we drunk last night. I'm not new to drinking but we were drinking 'the bar' (the shit that I'm allergic too) So there, gaah. It's so itchy im gonna die. :|

Things couldn't get worse right now because i think Mark is mad at me coz he was calling me last night and I have no idea coz my phone was in silent mode. Gah. tsk. I hate it so much when someone is acting like im his property. BOO. He's not boyfriend and shit but atleast respect the fact that I have a life and i'm going to do everything I want with it. :|

Fuck off. Please. Just this once. I need freakin space. I'm suffocated with school and family. Don't make me add you that list. Oh wait. You just made my fcuking list.

hello dark eye bags my old friend

Pumapayat na daw ako? HAHA. How I wish. I still feel fat though.

A stupid smile plastered on face on a HOT sunday afternoon :D

i should really work on my Theology Paper and Biology paper :))

Dang. I can't get enough! :))

Orosman at Zafira

Ok. so I know this is a little late but I have no time to blog about this last wednesday night since I am bombarded with exams, presentations and papers. (I still have to finish two papers though)

Last Wednesday night was a hell of a roller coaster emotional ride.

We went to Palma Hall in UP Diliman for the play "Orosman at Zafira" because our professor, sir Tuxqs Rutaquio invited us to watch it. My other classmates didn't come with us since they planned to watch it on a Saturday and thought 7 pm is a little bit late for them since it was a school night. But my friend, Sue, dragged me into watching the play because she can't make it on Saturday so I have no choice but to go with her. Basically, we're the only ones who will watch in our block which made us a bit nervous since there would be only 4 of us watching (Nish and Cassie).

So we arrived in Palma Hall at around 6:15 pm and made our way into the old building. We saw that people are starting to flock and asked some ladies at the information booth thingy about the tickets. They said they would sell it in a while. It was now almost 7 pm and we still don't have tickets for the play. We asked again the lady "Can we buy tickets now?" and she had a confused look on her face and told us "Oh. I'm sorry tickets are sold already sold out." and we were like "What? Oh gush." and she asked us if we're students from UP and told her "No. We're from Miriam College" and immediately it all makes sense to her, "Ah, mga studyante ni Tuxqs. But he only reserved 8 tickets. I don't know if it's for his students". So we decide to take it and said 'Bahala na' (the ticket costs 250 php, by the way)

So we already have tickets and Nish and Cassie weren't still there. And we we're already in line. They showed up 15 minutes after. We had different seat numbers but their seats weren't that far away from us. The play was almost starting then I realized I don't have any idea what the was all about. Good job. Upon entering the theater house, while looking for our seats, we saw John Lapus and guess what? He's our seat mate! :)) I asked Sue to sit beside him because I want to focus on the play and having him beside me would make a bit awkward. Right?

Then it started. I really have no idea what I was watching.

Orosman and Zafira is a play about power, war and love.

the whole production was very breathtaking. The choreography, plot, music and the whole concept was so awesome. I seriously want to watch it again.

The whole block is going gaga about it now and I tell you, it's very addictive :)) I remember, while watching it I was shaking so much! specially when they were having a war and how the director showed a unique concept for it. All the elements were there and the characters did their part well. There was a different set of actors who played each role.

In our time these actors played

Orosman - Jay Gonzaga

Zafira - Tasy Garrucha

Abdalap - Reuben Uy

Zelima - Tao Aves

Gulnara - Jean Judith Javier

Aldervesin - Gabs Santos

Boulasem - Roeder Camanag

Zelim - Acey Aguilar

Mahamud - Neil Ericson Tolentino

Ben - Asar - Ronnie Martinez

The story revolves in a war brought by thirst of power, revenge and unrequited love between the characters - Orosman to Zafira, Zafira to Orosman, Abdalap to Zafira and Gulnara to Aldervesin.

Love that started war and Love that ended it.

It's a MUST to watch this play :))

stop ta-talking that blah blah

i still have time to edit this shit. HAHAHA. screw BIOLOGY

BA Communication Major in BIOLOGY

will stay up all night studying BIOLOGY.

I don't get the reason why biology would be such a pain in the ass.

It's not even my major subject. HAHA :))

WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW

I got hurt. Really hurt.

And sometimes when that happens,

something inside me shuts off.

25 things you should know

FROM FACEBOOK

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. mahilig ako kumain ng Oreo. Minsan ito na ang ginagawan kong lunch kasi minsan wala na talaga ako appetite kumain. Nakakasawa na rin kasi ang food sa caf. :|

2. I prefer coffee than milk. Coffee is my bestfriend at natutuwa ako kapag may kape ako sa tabi ko. Pero ibang usapan na yan kapag nag ha-hyperventilate na ko ng bonga :D

3. Hindi ko trip manuod ng mga horror movies. At kahit anong bagay na nakaka takot. Nadadala ko kasi sa pag tulog.

4. Dati akong secretary ng Supreme Student Government pero feeling ko ako president kasi lagi ko inaaway presidente namin. HAHA. Gumaganti siya sa pamamagitan ng tambak na paper works. BOO.

5. Crush ko si Josh Duhamel, Ian Somerhalder at marami pang iba. :D

6. I hate Philosophy because of my weird professor. Sobrang strict nya sa grammar and spelling pero she texted us saying "Please cum on time 2m" :D

7. Nasusuka ako sa ENSURE na gatas na Chocolate flavored na pinapainom sakin ni mama. Pwede kape na lang?

8. may account ako sa blogger, tumblr, formpsring, twitter, youtube at livejournal :D (all are active except for formspring)

9. mahilig ako sa dark chocolate

10. Weakness ko ngayon and kulay na aqua-blue :))

11. may crush ako na Deaf student :)) And yes, lalaki po siya. Pati yung younger brother ni roxy :))

12. inattempt ko lagyan ng nail polish paa ng tatay ko habang tulog :))

13. namatay yung dati kong classmate na si Philip (na kamuka DAW ni Draco M), lagi niya ko sinisipa at inaasar noong grade school pa ako. :| Ngayon ko lang napag tanto na mahalaga at maiksi ang buhay. Pahalgahan ito. seriously, sa dami ng mga ginagawa, hindi ako nawawalan ng suicidal thoughts

14. Hindi ako magaling mag drawing pero magaling ako pag dating sa kulay :D

15. Lagi ako nag babakasyon sa batangas :| sana maiba naman. Summer, sem-break, ayan. destination lagi yan :)) Di na nabago at lagi sila nag pa-plano, di naman natutuloy :|

16. bawal ako sa stuffed animals/toys kasi allergic ako sa dust

17. Wala ng tatalo pa sa Harry Potter series. BOW. at hindi ko alam gagawin ko ngayong tapos na to at nag mumukang gago kasi trailer pa lang naiiyak na ko. HAHA :))

18. Gusto ko tumira sa greece o kaya sa france or some small county in Europe

19. Sana maging totoo ang FLASHBACK Manila. Nag eenjoy ako sa mga photoshoots namin at pag edit ng mga pictures. Photography is love and doing business with it is romantic. HAHA. hindi naman ako workaholic no?


20. May aso ako, si Lawrence at kapangalan niya kuya ng superfriend ko na si Marianne

21. may mga bagay at tao na mahilig umikot sa barkada ko :D

22. Enjoy ko ang theater arts kasi crush ko si sir tuxqs :D

23. i wasted 3-4 years (i think) of my time to a single boy...or gay. HAHA. joke

24. Hindi ako magaling mag budget ng pera. Gusto ko kasi kapag may gusto ako, makukuha ko agad. Ayaw ko nung mag iipon ako tapos iintayin pa yung panahon bago ko ito makuha. Hindi kasi ako pasensyosa.BOW.

25. Gusto ko maging director/novel writter (na sing sikat ni JK Rowling), Reporter/Anchor Woman/ Tv host someday. HAHA. taas ng pangarap ko. :))

I will lose my sanity soon.

If these minor subjects keep acting like majors i think I'll go crazy :| They complicate things and make us feel stressed than ever.

true. Look at me. I feel like a human corpse :D bwahaha.

I was deprived

One thing I hate about my life is that i keep leaving things unsolved. And now, it got me wondering, what if I tried to resolve it. Does it change anything. I just hate when I would remember such things. I feel awful that I was deprived of time and chance. I am not regretting or anything but sometimes it all comes to the point of 'what if?'

I don't call it denial because I am not. It's just, it made me realized that there were less memories made and to think that i can still recall it up to now made it worse. I wish we had more time together. It's really upsetting.

Conclusion: I should really start growing up. :|

HELL AUGUST

Busy with school stuff and everything :|

Communication Theories - Thesis Analysis (prelims)
Gender & Communication - Media Monitoring for Film (prelims)
Theater Arts - Plays, Workshops
Business English - Sales presentation (prelims)
Biology - SNORKELING (Field Trip to Anilao, Batangas *with research paper after), everyday classes
Philosophy - Debate (prelims),Emily Rose paper (HW)
Theology - Church Service, reportings
PE - well, PE is PE. nakaka pagod.

K. bye.