Lovin REBEL :)

Some random pictures I took with my new baby :))

spot me! :) 

Roses :) 

I like the color of this one :) 

Roses bloom fast :D 

Oh Toby! You're such a cutie :) 

It's Christmas already. Can you feel it? :D 

Preserving memories

It was my auntie's 50th birthday and I had my new camera to document the whole and event. Plus, I bonded with my cousins and it was a lot of fun :) 

Just arrived in Batangas. I took the bus with Jasper :D

Meet the birthday celebrant :) 

My mom with my cousin Jester Nazh 

This is quite interesting, it's Nazh's toy :D

With my cousins, Veth-Ave (the one in orange) & Ate Nina (the one with the peace sign) :D

My cousin Jerico with Ate Nina 

Ate Nina with my dad :D

Ate Nina with Jasper and Veth in the background :D 

Aww. Jasper is the sweetest :"> 

Flowers for the celebrant 

tired from documenting the event. HAHA. Check out my new baby and Veth's ass :) 

this was taken before the celebration. VAIN

My super feeling gwapo cousin: Jerico :p 

We were watching Discovery Chanel this time. Kuya Jeff's eyes are so creepy. RAWR.

Sigh, Boys will be boys. (From L-R: Kuya Jeff, Jasper, Jerico) 

On our way back to Manila :)

Happiness

I envy people who's really happy with their life. I wonder when can I attain happiness? I guess I should stop expecting and let things go by.

What is hard? Not a stone, but life. LIFE IS HARD.

I hate Mondays. I will never get used to going to school on Mondays.

Well, that's the beauty of studying in Miriam College (HEU). At least, that's what I think right now. Usually, we go to school on Mondays, not because of academic purposes but for our organizations. So lucky for those students who are not involved in many orgs. But recently, we've been going to school every Monday cause our org keeps on having these major meetings.Not that I'm complaining or anything :)

But these past 2 weeks, it seems that my Monday is very much more than vacant. Last week I was in Batangas, oh that reminds me, it was a bloody holiday that's why I wasn't in school for any particular reason. HAHA. My apologies. :) 

So anyways, I was bored this afternoon so I decided to leave the house. I also need some time alone and the best way to do that is to WALK. And so I did. I went to Starbucks in Ali Mall because coffee shops in Gateway & Araneta Colosseum is jam packed and it was very, very noisy. When I arrived in starbucks, i found the perfect place for me to sit. I brought out my "hero journal" - it's a semestral homework for Ms. Antee's class and my scratch notebook and Bob Ong's new book: Ang mga kaibigan ni Mama Susan. I ordered a mocha frappe and started writing in my journal and then afterwards wrote some of the things I need to work on, specifically the story I've been working on since forever. 

Okay, so you might be wondering why I was all alone at such a place. Well to tell you the truth I was still pissed on what happened last saturday (see Lying my way out). I don't know if should be angry, it's rather confusing to feel that way. It was so hard being alone and I needed something to keep my mind off those things. So I tried calling Anna first but then she had class, Maan who needs to go home after 3pm and then there's Cy who did not answer my call. I remembered Katrin, but then she told me she's up to 4:30 and I thougth I'd be going home by then. At around 3:30 she asked me where I was and then told me if I want to with her to Centerpoint. (Yeah, sure it's a crappy mall and there are lots of jejemons around there but what the heck! I want/need a friend) 

A few minutes on the train and viola! I'm on the other side of town already.. well, almost :D

I arrived before Katrin so I walked around a little bit. When she arrived, she asked me if we could stop by the food court because she needs to see someone. Of course, do I have a choice? She met one of her fellow student from PUP (a few years older than us, I think). Silly of me, I forgot her name (SORRY!). She asked Katrin to go shoe shopping with her, and I thought "Now?? But I need to talk to Kat about some things. Personal things." And then Katrin asked me if I don't mind. Of course I mind!!! Hello?? I'm really emotionally bothered by what happened last saturday and I was not in the mood for some shoe shopping, not in Centerpoint at least. So there, I went with them, like I have a choice. 

Did I sound selfish back there? 

 I also told her that I saw her friend, Ninay, who's Jeric's new girlfriend. Kat told me that Ninay finds me scary. Like I'm 'masungit' 'mataray'. I ogled at her and asked her what made her think that way. Hey, I don't bite. HAHA. That was rather funny. I was just in a mad mood last Saturday.

Well, I need to talk to Katrin back there. As in in real talk. No offense to her friend but they see each other in school, i think everyday? I was a bit frustrated at first but it seems that her friend is not going anywhere, so I didn't tell Katrin how and what was really bothering me. 

What I need back then was Katrin alone. I don't feel comfortable talking my heart out when there's another stranger  in front of me, listening to every bit of my problems.I just wish Kat had made some time for the two of us alone. I just wanted to talk, that's all.

So many things happened in the past few months and it's hard to keep track of them. Everything seems to move so fast that I don't have enough time to catch up with my old friends. It's been really hard. 

I wish it could all just slow down before 2010 ends.

Before 2010 ends I will....

• finish Bob Ong's new book "Ang mga kaibigan ni mama susan" 
• Finish reading Percy Jackson's book
• Fix my documents in my laptop
• sort out pictures and burn them to a CD
• finish watching Pretty Little Liars season 1
• Have a new BB phone (hopefully!) 
• de-clutter my room

*to be continued :D 

Dear God,

I hope for enlightenment before this year ends. Please guide me in whatever decision I make.

Amen.

Pretty Little Liar

My Saturday morning went pretty bad. I woke up late, around 7:03. I have to get to school at 7:30 am because of our batch's General Assembly. Later comers will be given punishment (DAW!). So I rushed my self to take a shower and grabbed what ever clothing I could find. It was drizzling so I decided to wear a white tank top and my purple jacket over it and some sneakers. I grabbed my bag and rushed outside even though it was raining a bit. Good thing it only took me less than 15 minutes to get to school So there, I arrived when the registration is about to start and found Abbey.

After the GA, we hang out at Mcdonalds Katipunan because we planned to go to Trinoma but it's too early and the mall isn't open yet. While having breakfast, Cyrille (high school superfriend) sent me a text message asking if I want to watch a movie or something. The timing was perfect because we could just see each other in Trinoma. But Cyrille said she wants to watch in gateway and I made 'pilit' to her to just watch a movie in Trinoma because I was going there. And then she said "Bahala na". Mark also texted me asking me if I have other plans for the day. I didn't reply cause (a.) I ran out of load and (b.) I don't want to have dinner with his family tonight 

So there, we went to Trinoma and walked around and then decided to go to Circle C and played in their Timezone-ish whatever you call it. Nix's dad fetched us then we went at her place to chill and watch some TV. At around 3 o'clock-ish we headed back to Trinoma and Mark keeps on texting me and I'm really getting annoyed at it. 

Sometimes he texts me more often than my mom. It's like I'm always getting in trouble. Like I'm a kid who's lost and always needs some guidance. That's what I thought. So I went to meet with Cyrille, Maan, Jayvee, Jeric and his girlfriend, Ninay at Gateway. I left minutes after I saw them and told them that I still have some appointments for that day and that I would head back to Katipunan and meet with some friends. But I just made that up!

That's what I also told Mark the moment he called me using his father's phone. He was a bit mad that I didn't respond to his texts. I want to yell "why are you acting like this? Why are you being like this? Are you my boyfriend?? You're worst than my mother! Can't you just leave me alone for a while??" - well yeah, I can't do that since I'm walking around in front of Araneta Colosseum on my way to SM cubao because I need to get my mom's SM advantage card. :| 

So there, I was really, really pissed and mad at that moment and almost glaring at anybody who crosses my way. It was like I want to take the gun from the security guard and just shoot somebody or my head with it. -That's how mad slash crazy I was. But of course I did not dare to do it. Hello? I still have my sanity.

I just don't like it when I have to report my every action to somebody.(excluding my parents) Sometimes, I feel suffocated with him. I would say possessive, but that's not the right term. I just hate when a guy completely acts as if he's my boyfriend when he's not or not yet. It's just so wrong! :| I also hate the feeling like I'm being tied down to something or someone (Don't get me wrong! Marriage is a different thing!)

One thing I also don't like is that when he was explaining how pissed he got and saying things like "Sana manlang nag text ka....blah blah blah...kahit isang text lang...blah blah". Sometimes I hate explaining myself too much. That's why I just kept silent and ignore the fucking shit out of me. While he was saying that, the first thing that got into me was that I want to get hit by that car and have amnesia or something. I hope at least he considers what I had in mind. It's very hard to put into words the things I want to say. (Talk about having Linguistic as one of multiple intelligence) 

How can you mildly say "Back off a little bit. I'm getting suffocated" & "I need A LOT of space" without hurting anyone? 

I guess I couldn't.

Even if I tell myself that I'm strong enough to handle this, sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry then and there. I wish I could express myself more because it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack right now. I don't want to have this burden on me. It seems that I'm a very bad person to say these things. 

Oh, Lord. Please help me. 

I don't need these things right now. I feel it's just a hindrance to my studies.

I'm this free spirited girl who wants to be independent. I feel like I'm a bird in a cage. People are amused to see me in this form but what they don't know is that I want to be free. Like a fish that needs to swim the ocean and like a lion that needs to stay in the wild.(Ok. I'm running out of metaphors here)

I hope you would consider how I feel and I wish that you would understand.