what's the problem with failing?

"what's the problem with failing?"

-I keep asking myself. Right now, i feel like i made the biggest failure in my life.

Well, yeah. Academics is important it is my number one priority right now. It's not that i failed a subject but got a warning that is close to failing.

It made me wish that my parents raised my imuned to failures. They make a person stronger and I admire those people who keep standing whenever they fall.

...I wish i was strong enough to accept my failures. Because right now, I feel like i'll burst out. I texted my mom about it and was asking her to call me.

Still no phone call.

At school i wanted to cry but I don't want to people see me cry and I feel like a weakling whenever I cry. My chest feels heavy and it feels like im hyperventilating. I keep telling myself its going to be okay, this is not my final grade but after seconds, my mood would start to gloom again.

The problem with me is that I grew up pleasing my parents in achieving a lot and now that I failed something, I can't accept it. Its hard when you're so used into achieving and reaching your goals and then find yourself failing halfway. I want to cry so hard. So bad.

I still can't believe it.

I want to please my parents so hard I ended up like this. I spent sleepless nights studying and still end up failing, well not actually. All the efforts that I did, it feels like its been wasted. I want to know their reactions. Being scared by the fact that they would get mad and all. wait. They would be really really mad. Depressed. Yes, that's the best word to describe right now.

i need someone to talk to right now. A friend . . classmate. I dont care. I so hate this Friday.

Im such a coward for not accepting reality. But then I again, maybe im so fed up with reality. Maybe I need a break from reality. I need to reflect on the wrong things I have done and start all over again.