Thoughts & Photos: August 2011

Missing Puzzle Piece

Audrey Karen Russell was walking boringly at their local grocery store, pushing her shopping cart nonchalantly when the song on the radio ended and then heard DJ Rocky muttered a few words.

♪“Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye, we caught on to something, I hold on to the night. You looked me in the eye and told me you love me…” ♪

“Holy Shit!” she thought as she listened to Taylor Swift’s song – Forever & Always.

She was innocently buying some snacks and junkies that afternoon for her sleepover with Gabrielle Leighton and one damned song ruined her whole afternoon, all because of a single memory. She rolled her eyes and grabbed whatever brand of beer she could reach. Gabrielle would kill her if she got the wrong kind of beer but she forgot about that, all because of a song.

“♪I was there when you said forever and always.♪”

Audrey chuckled. She shouldn’t have been so delirious about this song, it’s just a memory. A part of her past that she wished didn’t happen. She shook away the thoughts and waited patiently for the next song to play. She would go to Gabrielle’s house, have some relaxation before the school starts again. It was wrong for those thoughts to come back, she really need to do something to keep her mind of those thoughts. At Gabrielle’s house there would be a lot of things to do. Yes, at Gab’s house. Gabrielle. Gabrielle Leighton.

She can’t stop thinking! She remembered her crazy rendezvous with her first love. First love, not first boyfriend.

“Kyle.”

“EARTH TO AUDREY???!!” Gabrielle Leighton yelled and splashed some water at Audrey.

“What the fuck was that for??” she spit out some water, splashing back at Gabrielle.

“Oh, now you’re asking! You’ve been staring blankly at the water as I blab away how hot Jeremy looked last night!”

“Jeremy? Jeremy who?” Audrey asked, she absolutely got no clue on what Gabrielle was gushing about.

“JEREMY! Your ex-boyfriend! Ugh! What is up with you??”

“Oh, Jeremy.” Audrey blushed. Jeremy Rodgers had been her first serious boyfriend but then after a year, they broke up. For Gabrielle, Jeremy Rodgers and Audrey Russell broke up all because of Kyle Peterson. It was that summer when everything seemed to fall apart, Audrey thought as she took a big gulp on her beer; Gabrielle frowned as she thought of Kyle.

“So, how’s Jeremy?” Audrey awkwardly asked, her face still flushed.

“Well, I MIGHT have flirted with him a little bit.” Gabrielle laughed.

“You’re just making Matthew jealous.” Audrey said flatly. Jeremy Rodgers and Matthew Julliard are cousins, and it was pretty ironic because Gabrielle and Matthew are dating, but not exclusively.

“I am not! You know what a huge flirt Jeremy is!” Gabrielle defended.

“Yeah, and I know that you’re a bigger flirt than Jeremy could be!” Audrey teased and Gabrielle burst out laughing. Sure maybe Gabrielle had some flings and flirt with boys occasionally but she still do it with class.

“Moving on, what’s bothering you? You’ve been absent minded since you got here!” She demanded some answers and Gabrielle’s not going to stop till she get some explanation from her bestfriend, after all she knew Audrey for more than 14 years that’s why she knew something’s bothering her.

Audrey took a deep breath and pursed her lips. “Well, I was at the grocery store this afternoon and a song started playing on the radio…” she started, Gabrielle raised her eyebrows. “What song?”

“Forever and Always” Audrey sighed.

“What’s wrong with that song? I actually like that.”

“It reminds me of someone back then.” She said flatly

“Really? Who??” Gabrielle leaned closer getting more curious than before. Audrey hesitated and looked away. “Kyle.”

Gabrielle’s eyes fluttered with shock and were left speechless. She was quiet for half a minute when she found her voice again. “Why him?”

“Well, considering how much of an asshole he had been for playing with my feelings, he was my first love.” This came again as a shock for Gabrielle, she already knew that Audrey had a huge crush on Kyle when they were in high school it’s just that she didn’t expect to hear that Kyle played with her bestfriend’s feelings.

“Was he the reason why you and Jeremy broke up 2 years ago?” Gabrielle awkwardly asked. All she knew that time that Kyle cheated on her, nothing more than that. She stayed ignorant back then and didn’t bother listening to Audrey’s story which she knew was wrong from the beginning.

“What? No! I mean, yes but no! There are other reasons!”

“Like what? I’m okay with whatever you’re going to tell me. I think I deserved something, after all it’s been 2 years already and I’m really clueless with what really happened. I only hear rumors and you know, it just made things worse.” Gabrielle shrugged.

“It’s a long story…”

“I can manage.”

“Okay. So where should I start?” Audrey took a deep breath and began with the story that she hadn’t told Gabrielle in 2 years. “It was a Tuesday when our section decided to hit the beach and stayed at my house overnight. It was so sudden and besides, school was going to be over in a few days. I didn’t expect Kyle would be there. He came with Elliot and they brought some liquor.” Gabrielle pursed her lips.

“Yeah, I knew that. Go on.”

“So there, we drank and I forgot how he got beside me. I was lying on the bench and he was staring at me. He told me he was shocked to find out that the jacket I wore on our first day of senior year was Jeremy’s. Eventually he was more shocked when he found out that Jeremy was my boyfriend already. He told me that he was planning on courting me but then he found out I was already with Jeremy, so he let it go. He told me he didn’t want to ruin a relationship.”

Gabrielle was flabbergasted. “It all makes sense to me now. We lost in touch that summer and I started hanging out a lot with Marcus and maybe he thought. Oh god.”

“So there, he also told me that he was shocked to see the box wherein I placed all things that reminded me of him. I told myself that I’m going to open that box when I’m over him already. He saw that box when he went over to my house in our junior year because of a group science project with Ronald and Fanny. I don’t have any feelings for him anymore at that moment cause I was with Jeremy that time already. When he told me those things I regret everything I had done and my feelings for him surfaced again. But it turns out I’ve been stupid because he’s a jerk.” She breathed in hard.

“But I’ll admit that after that incident we started texting each other.”

There was an awkward silence after that. Gabrielle can’t believe it, she completely got the wrong information.

“SHIT!” Audrey suddenly screamed that made Gabrielle jolt. “I remember now!! He thought he could court me after that night because he thought I already broke up with Jeremy!!!”

“Bitch! You scared the hell out of me!” Gabrielle was almost out of breath; she drank her beer and relaxed for a moment.

“When he told me about that I sort of felt something for him and judging that, there was something wrong with our relationship with Jeremy. But Kyle was not reason behind our break up, please.” Audrey felt disgusted.

It took a moment for Gabrielle to absorb everything Audrey had told her. “I heard different versions of this. Anonymous people would email and text me but I first heard this from Cornelia. Eventually, Myrtle told this to her cousin Zack and then he told Cornelia.”

“I guess Myrtle spread that rumor that it was Kyle who ruined my relationship with Jeremy.”

“Screw her! I thought she was my friend. She was such a big fan of my relationship with Kyle.” Gabrielle laughed. “It all makes sense to me now.”

“I’m sorry for telling you this just now. I mean, things could’ve been different if I told you this before.” Audrey looked apologetic and gave a loud sigh.

“It’s okay. I had some faults too. I didn’t hear you out that time and believe those stupid rumors. Anyway, it wouldn’t change anything. I got back with Kyle a year after that and it still didn’t work out. I’m still convincing myself that I’m over Kyle up to now. I’m trying to move on, really. I have Matthew now and he’s such a great guy.”

“You should be thankful.”

“I am!!” Gabrielle cried “It’s just when I think about it, I feel some doubts with myself. I always keep a positive attitude about it but sometimes I feel like letting it out.”

“I know how you feel. Do you still like him?”

“No!” Gabrielle was very defensive but then Audrey raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. I still haven’t figured it out yet.” She said as she rolled her eyes. “Just let it go, okay?”

“Fine.”

I just finished watching beastly and this song was playing at the closing credits.

Funny that songs could actually say what you feel at the moment. :|

What do you do when you're stuck,
'cause the one that you love,
has pushed you away,
and you can't deal with the pain,
and now you're trying to fix me,
mend what he did,
and find the piece that i'm missing,
but I still miss him,I miss him, I'm missing him,
oh i miss him, I miss him I'm missing him

And you're sitting in the front row,
wanna be first in line,
waiting by my window,
giving me all your time,
you could be my hero,
if only I could let go,
but his love is still in me,
Like a broken arrow.like a broken arrow.

he's the thorn in my flesh
that I can't take out
he's stealing my breath
when you're around,
and now you're trying to convince me,
he wasn't worth it,but you can't complete me,
He's the part that its missing,
i miss him, I'm missing him,
oh I miss him I miss him, I'm missing him,

and you're sitting in the front row,
wanna be first in line,
waiting by my window,
giving me all your time,
you could be my hero,
if only I could let go,
but his love is still in me,
like a broken arrow,
like a broken arrow.

what do you do...
when your hearts in two places?you feel burnt but you're torn inside.
you feel love but you just can't embrace it,
when you found the right one at the wrong time.
and you're
sitting in the front row,
wanna be first in line,
waiting by my window,
giving me all your time,
you could be my hero,
if only i could let go,
but his love is still in me,
like a broken arrow oh whoa
like a broken arrow...